epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
