Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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