Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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