Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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