I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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