i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
