3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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