Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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