i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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