I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
