i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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