2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
