I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize