Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
