wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
