I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
