Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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