thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
