Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
