So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
