Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
