Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
