the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Terrible idea I love it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
