So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
