we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
