I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
