I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
