The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
