is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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