Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
