why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
