I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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