i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
