Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
