Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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