I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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