My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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