Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
