Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
