that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
