The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
