His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
