If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
