What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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