Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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