They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
