Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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