He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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