her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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