We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
