I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
