the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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