I CAN MOONWALK!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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