had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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