I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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