We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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