Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
