I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
