It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize