You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
