I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize