Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
