dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
