So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
