Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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