I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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