i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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