Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just pee around me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
