I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
