I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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