I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
