You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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