I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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