I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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