Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
