Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
