so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
