maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
