I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
