I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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